So darkness I became
by Possibility Girl
Summary: 'A mind on the crossroad,' the hat said into Lola Lestrange's ear, and it sure was right. The problem was, she had no map and no way of knowing which path was the right one. :the story of Bellatrix's daughters, AU, dark:
1. Prologue

_**Author's note**_ _:_ I decided to make this story T now, but it has tendency to become M - if it, eventually does, the ratings will be changed and I will post warnings. I will also try to post trigger warning, but tell me if I miss something. Comments of any kind are welcome!

LovelyWeather is my lovely Beta once again!

 _ **Disclaimer**_ : I do not own Harry Potter or many of the characters, they are property of J. K. Rowling. The title is property of Florence + The Machine. The song lyrics is, as stated, property of AURORA.

 _I had a dream I was seven, climbing my way in a tree. I saw a piece of heaven waiting, impatient, for me_

 _Aurora - 'Runaway'_

One must realize that I was happy. Why wouldn't I be? I had it all!

There are very clear pictures of my early childhood in my mind - our huge French manor rounded with a beautiful garden; the drawing hall, all in glass and silver; the smell of the best elf-made wine; me in pretty dresses, surrounded by toys, always at least a house elf taking care of me.

Our house was always alive with chatter and laughter; many people were passing through it and all of them loved me. "What a dear girl you are! You will grow up to be as beautiful as your mother!" they would say and I would glow with pride - I knew that my mother must have been the most beautiful woman on earth. She was tall, with shiny heavy waves of black hair, dressed in the best robes, her head always high. She was the queen of our castle. I was a princess, papa's girl, _maman's_ honor. "Let us hope she'll have her power as well!" Papa would laugh in a warm, rich voice, looking at _maman_ from the corner of the eye. Everyone knew how powerful my mother was and I wanted to be just like her - beautiful and dangerous, proud and noble.

In my memories there is always the presence of _him_. I had never met him, but I knew that he represented all the wonders we had. When people would gather in our drawing room for the meetings I was allowed to attend, they would all cheer for his health. "To the Dark Lord!" someone would say and all the glasses would rise. In my head I'd created a wonderful and mighty figure of someone who must be the greatest wizard in the world - and it was my family that personally knew him! "Be a good girl, Lollia. He's here," mother would say sometimes and I would immediately behave, hoping that was the day I'd get to meet him.

" _Now, you must be good and train hard before that. But you will, won't you? You will be the best, the strongest proud witch, carrying our noble family tradition."_

When you are little, they tell you the tales of rich lands, beautiful and intelligent witches and great wizards that try to conquer the death. I did not need those stories. I was a beautiful witch of my own rich land and I knew that a great wizard _would_ conquer death, making our family the most influential and praised in the Wizarding world.

And then, on my fourth birthday, he was gone and everything I knew crumbled, at once, with no return.

Months after my birthday, when they stormed in screaming that he vanished, Lin and I were alone, although today I realize that we couldn't have been. There was always someone looking after us before they left at night, so there must have been at least a house elf; no one in their right mind would leave a four-year-old with couple of months old baby.

We had already fled our beautiful manor a long time ago, settling in the summer cottage near the sea. They never let me out anymore, but they were constantly going somewhere, never telling me where. I was little, but in my head I connected all the bad things happening to us with the Dark Lord's disappearance - it took me years to realize it was other way around.

Lin (or rather Marcelina, as I called her at the time) was crying and I was helpless. "Please stop… please stop crying… please, please stop..." I was muttering, like a mantra, over and over again, on the edge of tears myself. I started violently shaking the baby, but it made things worse. Finally, all four of them apparated, slightly messier than when they had left. "Please make her stop!" I screamed at once, but mother did not seem to notice me; for weeks she didn't.

'How could they not know?' roared father, throwing a chair on the floor.

'I was sure they must know _something,_ ' mother said, displeased but not as angry. She saet down, deaf for Marcelina's crying.

Uncle Barty was with them again, but he did not look well. They were all shaken, obviously, but he was a nervous wreck, walking around in circles, his freckled face pale. Finally, he came over and grabbed Marcelina from my hands. 'Do something!' he shouted to mother, desperately, 'If they find us… because of her…'

Mother clicked her tongue and flicked wand; Marcelina stopped making a sound, but she was still opening her mouth in silent cries, red in face. 'They won't find us because of a crying baby, don't be ridiculous, Crouch. Are you _**scared**_?' she added, her voice lighter now and almost mocking.

'And you aren't?' he cried out, putting Marcelina in my hands again, as if I was a piece of furniture. It crossed my mind that maybe I was turning invisible, maybe I was slowly disappearing without knowing it. 'They **will** know… Ministry must know… By now… They are after us…' he could not finish the any of the thoughts and he was shaking violently.

'How _can_ they know?' father turned around to look at him, 'Who would tell them? _Those_ two?'

There was a brief moment of utter silence and then mother started giggling. Uncle Rabastan and father followed, and the shared giggle turned into a monstrous laughter. 'Oh, did you see them? Did you _see_ them? Crying on the floor… Begging… Stupid prude Aurors, always doing by the book, too good even to properly fight back… As if their light magic can do something against the unforgivables!' mother said through the laughter. She looked more alive than she did in weeks and her face was glowing; yet it was not an expression of happiness, but rather one resembling fire. She was different, I noticed. There were dark circles around her eyes and her smile was twisted; she was showing all of her teeth.

When he stopped laughing, uncle Rabastan leaned on the wall, lighting a cigarette. 'I must admit, it was enormous fun, despite of everything. Like a celebration of good old times.'

'Do you have to smoke in front of the children?' mother asked. He shrugged and no one said anything on the matter of cigarettes anymore. It would not have passed before, I knew - mother was strict about uncle's smoking habits. 'Now, we must really think about this - who could know something more? Someone else from the Order, probably-'

'Are we going to run?' Barty interrupted, and all three of them looked at him as if they forgot he was in the room. He seemed absolutely frantic now.

'Run where?' mother lazily asked, 'And _why,_ Crouch? If you are afraid of your dear father then you shouldn't have-'

'I am NOT afraid!' he shrieked. He straightened up, trying to look brave, but he looked silly and I would probably have laughed if Marcelina was not shaking with silent screams in my hands.

'Then _show it_!' mother stood up, 'Stop being a mess and show it, dammit! **I** will not run. **I** am not ashamed or embarrassed like _other_ cowards…'

'I am NOT a coward! I joined you!'

'And now you want to run? To abandon the Dark Lord?'

 _'I do not_! I just want…' his voice was lower now as he tried to even his breaths, 'We can't find him if we're imprisoned. Do you realize what we can lose?'

Mother laughed ruthlessly, 'What you are trying to say is that **you** can lose _so much_ , darling boy?'

'You- You have two children…' he breathed out, his words sharp as a knife.

There was a small pause as they faced each other – a small frightened boy and a powerful dark witch, mad with the taste of revenge. 'I will **not** run,' she repeated, 'If we find him, it will be the best I can do for future of my daughters. And if I die trying, my daughters will know how to appreciate that.'

I let out a high moan, nearly throwing Marcelina on the chair, and ran over to her. I was crying, 'Don't die, _maman_ , don't die, don't die!' I wanted her to pick me up, to stroke my hair and say it would all be fine. Yet, she just put a hand my head as a form of gratitude.

'I am not planning on that, Lollia,' she said, still eyeing the freckled young wizard. 'Now don't wail, only _dull_ people do that,' she said in a voice that made me think she would push me away if I make another sound. 'It is late, why are you even still up? Go to sleep, come on!'

Uncle Rabastan finished his cigarette, picked Marcelina up, lightly rocking her, and took my arm. 'Come on, lets go,' he softly pulled me as I was still letting out soft cries and took me to another room. As we went out, Barty said, 'Bellatrix, if we want to find Dark Lord we must stay out of Azkaban, it is simple', but I did not manage to hear the rest of the argument.

Barty stayed with us; he was not happy, but he had no choice. However, he did not have to wait long for his fears to come true. It was merely a week after that when our protective charms broke down and the Ministry people ran into the house one rainy night as we slept, taking us by surprise. You don't know what terror it is for a four-year-old to have unknown wizards barge into her home in the night, throwing curses all around, taking her parents away. I still sleep with my wand by my side, very lightly, waking at the smallest of sounds.

Barty screamed and wailed, begging for mercy. Dad tried to fight for a moment but, taken off guard, he was not in his full power for the fight ‒ with three Aurors against him, he was taken down quickly. But mother tried neither to run and hide us, nor fight. Her mere defense was when she spit in the face of an Auror. He screamed at her that she was a crazy hag and pointed a wand at her, and I ran over hitting him with my small fists. Moved by my anger, the vase from the fireplace flew and hit him in the head, making him scream. A muscular man picked me from behind and raised me, holding my hands tightly. 'Leave maman, leave her!' I yelled and cried, trying to fight him. He avoided the vase that flew over in his direction.

I was the last thing my mother saw in the house. Her dark eyes seemed as they were seeing me for the first time as a real person rather than a child. She was tied up, but her head was up higher than ever and her voice was stone cold when she said, 'Now, Lollia, be firm. Train hard before I see you again, alright?'

As he pushed her out of the house, the lumping man with the wooden leg growled, 'There's little chance you'll be seeing anything but the Azkaban walls ever again, Lestrange.'

After that, I did not speak for weeks and Lin cried a lot. Very soon we met Andromeda, "our other aunt", who seemed like an intruder to me - surely we only had aunt Narcissa! Did this woman lie to us?

But Andromeda looked so much like our mother and her softness reminded me so much of the way Narcissa treated us, so it became clear to me she must be our family. When, on my birthday, she showed up with a huge cake I finally knew - this woman cared for me. I never mentioned when my birthday was; she took her time to find it out and prepare everything to make me feel like I was a princess. That was the first time I ran to her and hugged her hard, letting out a few tears. 'You can cry.' she told me and so I did.

And then, after months of silence, I finally dared to ask her why maman never spoke of her. Andromeda smiled sadly, 'We are very… different. We parted a long time ago.'

'Do you love her?' I asked.

Andromeda was silent for a second, and then she whispered so low that sometimes I believe I must have imagined her answer.

'Yes.'

I was absorbed into this new life, slowly, without realizing it. The house was not as rich as my wonderful castle, but it was warm and cozy, in shades of orange. The smell of baking was always present. Everyone would always listen to what I wanted to say, no one would tell me to go to the other room while the adults talked. Andromeda would pick me up and kiss me for no reason. She would not call us Lollia or Marcelina, but short and sweet - Lola and Lin. 'It matches,' she said happily, 'You are sisters, you came together to me, wrapped up in each other's arms. Lola and Lin, it fits perfectly.' It shocked me the most that she let Lin cry when she fell down. We aren't supposed to cry, _maman_ would say, we are supposed to be firm and resilient.

It was different, so entirely different… but also very nice. I still was the prettiest and I still got whatever I wanted, and I guess that played a big part in my mind.

Over time, Andromeda's face morphed with the face of _maman_ and our house by the forest became the synonym for home. I started called Dromeda 'ma' and Ted 'dad', and I was happiest because of 'sister Dora', a funny, loud, charming thing that came along with my new life.

I am still happy. This _is_ my life and my family, and I know I belong here. It is only rarely, on a rainy days (like the one when we flew from our manor) that I still look out of the window and imagine my other life - the second me, stuck in some other world, living the life of rich and noble in a castle of her own.


	2. Chapter 1: Recessional

_**Disclaimer**_ : I do not own _Harry Potter_ and many of the characters, they are property of J. K. Rowling. The quote is property of Miranda July, taken from short story "Something That Needs Nothing" that can be found in her book _No One Belongs Here More Than You_ (which is amazing, go read it).

 _In an ideal world, we would have been orphans. We felt like orphans and we felt deserving of the pity that orphans get,_

 _but embarrassingly enough, we had parents._

 _-Miranda July ‒ "Something That Needs Nothing"_

'Are you sure you have to go?'

'Justine...'

'I'm just saying, maybe there is a way you can stay? Ask her again, oh please ask her!'

'You are acting as if I _want_ to go!' I cried out, throwing a final piece of my clothes into the trunk. I did not feel like folding it.

Justine was sitting on the bed, looking at me with her worst and prettiest puppy eyes. She finally sighed, falling backwards on the bed, 'You are _killing_ me.'

I lay down beside her. 'It is just a year. We just have to go through this year and then you can come to Britain-' her sigh interrupted me **'or-** I can come to France!'

'Why would they let you come in a year when you have to go now?' she asked in a child-like voice.

'Because, I'll let you in on a secret.' I leaned in and whispered in her ear, 'I will be out of the school! _Gasp_!'

'You are silly!' she punched me meekly, but let out a giggle as well. 'Why do you even have to go now anyway?'

'Ma is paranoid. She obviously thinks the Dark Lord will come all the way to France for me and snatch me in the middle of the night from this poorly protected castle. As if he even knows about me.' I tried to laugh, but Justine still looked up sadly at the ceiling.

'It's not funny. **I** am still scared even though you are going to be beside Dumbledore. If He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is really back, then your mother is right, he might come for you,' she finally looked at me. Her big, blue eyes were not sad anymore; she was frightened, but determined. 'Remember that the name of Lestrange is spoken with fear, even in France.'

Justine was one of the few that knew who my parents really were. She was among the first friends I've ever made in Beauxbatons and certainly the closest person I've had. We never separated since becoming the first year, we shared a room and shared kisses and we wanted to share our whole lives with one another. Justine was the only one I've ever told, but she knew how to keep a secret and she knew how to love me despite all.

'That is because once upon a time some French Lestranges immigrated to Britain; they are scared it might happen again.' Justine groaned at this, quite irritated now. 'Oh, relax drama queen! You are not helping me here! Hey, I am the one going to that _indecent, second-class fortress_ , as you call Hogwarts! I am the one who should mope around! You will be here, in you pretty dresses in your silky sheets, attending piano lessons and singing with nymphs! You will stay here, looking at all the beautiful French girls-'

'You **know** I won't!'

'And I will be stuck with all British people! Did you even see what they look like?'

 _'Lollia_!' she yelled ‒ she would only use my full name when she was absolutely irritated, as she was now. In order to silence her, I kissed her. She did not protest.

'My offer stays. You can still come to Britain,' I whispered again between kisses.

We both knew it was a lie. If the Dark Lord was really back, if he was coming for me, if he was about to attack Britain… then it was safer for my dear, muggle-born Justine to be far, far away from me.

On the first day of my return from France, I've been silent during the dinner, hoping that my anger would not go unnoticed. Dora and dad were acting awkwardly, while ma happily chatted as if nothing was happening. Being ignored only made me feel angrier to the point where I just stood and left the table, muttering a cold 'Good night' in Dora and dad's direction, avoiding ma's gaze completely.

She could not resist though - I heard her footsteps fifteen minutes later and she stopped at the door of my room. 'Sometimes I think we should not have you let you have your way all of the time, Lola,' she said in a voice that was surprisingly not angry. I turned to look at her to notice she was smiling.

'My way? You're **shattering** all I have...'

'Not me,' she cut me off firmly. _'He_ is.'

I felt that the Dark Lord has been the elephant in the room ever since the moment I stepped into the house. No one mentioned a word of his return, but there were moments we knew what was it all about, such as nervous glances around the table when Dora said she is staying late at work tomorrow. Ma's bold mention of him made me frown with anger. _'You_ made me go to Hogwarts.'

She sighed, looking so much older than she was. 'How don't you understand? We've always wanted what's best for you, safest for you, and now you're on the edge of a pit, Lola - you can be hurt. He might come for you. You could _die_. I am not as evil as you're making me out to be. I am your mother and maybe the problem is I did not act as one enough until now.' I opened my mouth to interrupt, but she quickly continued, 'We let you go to another school when you cried and begged - understandable, you were scared of the judgement. We gave you everything - _everything_ you wanted - because life has been rough on you since the very start. All I am asking now is for you to be reasonable for once. I've seen and lived through more things than you did. He has a talent for shattering things and I just want you as close to me as possible, so we can overcome it. Never forget that Bellatrix, Narcissa and I were as close as Lin, Dora and you are now.'

She knew where to hit me and how to hit hard; after Lin and I stopped asking questions ten years ago and started calling her ma, Bellatrix was not mentioned, as far as I could recall, not once. I felt a mixture of anger and sadness in my stomach - anger because Dark Lord was breaking my family apart once again and sadness because of every question I had whenever my biological mother was mentioned.

I walked over to Andromeda and hugged her the tightest, I could 'I'm sorry. I am just scared... I am so very scared of the unknown.'

'I know, my lamb, shhh,' she petted my hair and kissed top of the head 'Don't worry, it will all pass. It has to, one day.'

That summer remained in my memory as a collage of light, bright colours, pretty flowers and tasty cakes. The memory is a strange thing; it makes beauty evident in the ordinary things and blurs out fright and the anticipation. Thinking about that summer, I must have been angry, hurt and scared in those three months. Yet somehow it all got lost in swirling memories of domestic activities, dad and Lin's endless chess games, and immense work in ma's garden. Never before or after have I seen her garden that beautiful.

Dora was not home as much. But when she was there we would make the most of our time together. Ma was fussy about the noise we made, constantly making comments that _we are not seven anymore_ and that _we are too old for dress-ups and dolls_ , but it only made us behave more silly and foolish. Perhaps we knew, given the circumstances, that it might be the last time we would have the luxury of being in our home.

Dora never talked about her Auror's duty, and Lin and I never asked. We wanted the war to be so far, far away. That was how Dora was different from Lin and me - she always wanted to be involved. On the other hand, the two of us were always ready to make up the most impossible fairytale worlds just so we could run away in our perfect scenarios. That proved to be our downfall.

'Come on, come on, don't be late!' Andromeda was yelling through the house the morning we were supposed to leave for Hogwarts.

'Don't you have a job?' Lin asked, confused, putting her head with a mane of messy hair out of the door. People who knew Lin in her childhood always thought her hair was straight, silky and heavy. The truth was, all the straightening was done by ma Andromeda - Lin didn't think hair was something which she should waste her time on. On top of that, Lin insisted on keeping her hair long.

As expected, ma made a displeasured face as she waved her wand in the direction of Lin's hair. 'Did you even start packing? Come on, I took the day off to take you to the station!'

I took my trunk out of my room, already dressed up and ready for leaving. Lin gave me a look telling me that I have betrayed her. 'And what about Dora, couldn't she have taken us?'

Ma clicked with her tongue 'Ask Alastor Moody about that.' The look on my face obviously gave away that I didn't even know who that was, because she continued to explain 'Nymphadora had to go to do her work for the... To go to the station with Harry Potter.'

'Whoa!' I exclaimed, 'Our sister, a celebrity bodyguard!'

Ma ignored me, 'Lin, please, give me your trunk if you are done packing...'

'Just a few more books...'

 _'Marcelina_!'

'Alright!' Angrily, Lin pushed her half-open trunk out of the door and a few robes fell out. She was still in her pyjamas. 'If I forget anything it will be your fault!' Ma looked as if she was ready to strangle her. She opened the trunk and started folding clothes with her wand, since Lin had just thrown everything, finding folding incredibly mundane and unnecessary. Being able to finally do magic out of school, I joined in.

'You are good at this,' ma noticed, 'I did not know you had a thing for domestic spells.'

I felt proud - ma was the best when it comes to domestic spells. It had to do with her obsessive love for organization and neatness. 'Well, professors said I developed quite well this year...' I said, bragging a little.

Ma nodded, 'So I read on the report, I just had to see it to believe it.' We smiled to each other and she pinched my cheek 'I know you hate this, but I am glad you are going to Hogwarts. It is an amazing school with some of the best witches and wizards of England teaching in it, and Dumbledore is the most amazing headmaster in the world.'

I zipped up Lin's trunk and we were done. 'I don't _hate_ it,' I finally admitted and smiled, 'But you would think that someone put a polyjuiced non-spoiled brat under your roof if I didn't complain at least a bit!'

She laughed and kissed my cheek, before yelling at the door once more, 'Marcelina, you have exactly three minutes to get out, or we are leaving you behind and I will personally make sure you get detention with Snape for every day until the rest of the year. I am counting seconds - one - two - three - four...'

When we slit through the wall between platforms nine and ten, I stood and tried to take in everything that was happening around me. A big red train was huffing with coils of smoke, waiting for us, and there were dozens of kids around, laughing, yelling, meeting their friends and saying goodbyes to their parents. While no student was in robes yet, lots of them had yellow, red, green or blue details on their clothes or at least their house scarves, despite the warm weather. 'Houses are not important my ass,' I mumbled to Lin as she appeared through the wall. 'Do you know anyone to introduce me to, or will I have to stand on my own?'

Lin was forth year at Hogwarts now - while I was dead afraid of my parent's reputation, she seemed to have no sense of it. She didn't even _think_ someone could connect her to Lestranges. I always wondered where did this difference between us come from. Was it because I remembered our parents? Was it because I looked so much like Bellatrix? Or was I generally more connected to it all? The fact was, I was always more Lestrange, while Lin was always purely Tonks.

'Well, you know someone,' ma pointed to the old lady who was waving at us.

'No, I-' and then I realized, 'Dora! That must be your ugliest look ever!' I said, approaching her.

'Not as ugly as when I posed looking like you,' she nudged me. 'Hey, Harry, these are my sisters. Lin, Lola, 'tis famous Harry Potter.'

The boy with messy black hair and glasses smiled at me, but my eyes immediately found his scar. Something in my stomach tightened - this boy, this tiny, skinny boy was the downfall of the Dark Lord. He changed the history of the Wizarding world and, most importantly, changed my life forever. 'Pleasure!' I managed to smile widely, giving him my hand. As Lin did the same, the big black dog beside Harry growled, 'I don't think your dog likes me very much.'

Dora frowned looking at it, 'Maybe he was out for too long now, ah?'

'Oh good, here's Alastor with the luggage, look!' the redhead woman beside them pointed at the platform and a whole bunch of people started slowly coming out.

'This is all your entourage?' I asked Harry.

He smiled. 'Some. Most of them are friends.'

Nearly all of them were redheads, dressed up in red. 'Gryffindor, I suspect?' I asked, feeling proud to show off my limited knowledge about Hogwarts.

'All of us,' one of the tall redheads heard me, 'I'm Ron Weasley.'

'Lola Tonks, the old lady's sister.' I nodded in Dora's direction.

'Which house are you in?' asked Ron, not noticing any house colour on my black and white dress.

'Oh, we are about to see that - this one here was way too stupid to start Hogwarts on time, so she's starting it for the first time now at the age of seventeen,' Dora interfered, putting her arm around me.

The redhead boy seemed confused, not sure if he ought to believe Dora. I laughed, 'Seventh year, I'm starting seventh year. I am transferred from Beauxbatons Academy of Magic. Ma wants me safe with, well, current _political_ current events.'

Harry nodded beside me - I was glad he knew I trusted him, as I was already aware of Ministry's policy of treating his story as a madman's tale.

'Hey, you will be the same year as the twins.' Dora noticed, 'Fred, George, this one here is my sister, she's transferring to your year. Keep an eye on her, if she's messing around.'

'Yeah, if you need any help with messing around, you will know where to find us,' the left one winked.

I laughed, overwhelmed with the wave of new faces, trying to remember the names of all the redheads. 'Well, I guess it's time you part,' Dora said looking at the clock. 'It's been great meeting all of you, we'll see you soon, I expect,' she said to the redhead crowd and Harry. They smiled and took their luggage. 'And you two, be well,' she hugged Lin and I together. 'Write _everything_ and don't worry,' she kissed me loudly.

'You're embarrassing us, grandma!' Lin yelled mockingly as ma finally approached us.

'Hope it will be fun, and what Nymphadora said - don't worry.'

'Nah, I'll leave all the worrying to you.' I winked and hugged her. 'I love you, ma.'

'Love you too, duck.'

'Hurry, hurry, you'll miss it!' Dora cried out as the engine started. We jumped into the train and waved to them one last time.

'Well, now, let's hurry up and take some good compartment,' Lin said looking around.

'Don't you have some of your friends to be with?' I asked, unsure.

She turned and smiled, 'I told them I have to take care of my dumb sister who is incapable of taking care of herself.'

We spent a good amount of ride talking about the teachers, stuff and what I could expect from them. I was making notes in my head - don't step on Snape's toes if you are not Slytherin, don't step on Filch's toes in general, don't sleep way too often at the History of Magic and so on.

'I am not sure about Alchemy, didn't have that one yet - I am so jealous that you were able to take it, I can't wait for it,' Lin said, frowning a bit.

'And what about Defence Against The Dark Arts?' I asked.

'Oh, the professor changes every year,' she said simply, 'I have no idea who will it be this year. Hopefully, not an ex-Death Eater.'

 _'What_?' I shrieked.

She chuckled, though in an unamused way. 'Come on, you don't even know how You-Know-Who rose to his powers again?'

'I tried to ignore all the stories,' I admitted 'But do go on, I didn't plan on sleeping tonight anyway.'

'So, you know the name of Barty Crouch, Junior?' I nodded, panic rising up in me, 'Well, he pretended, with polyjuice potion, to be Alastor Moody, famous Auror, the one we saw at the platform now. So he, Crouch Junior, helped him rise up again by getting Harry involved in Triwizard Tournament and delivering him to You-Know-Who during the last task. Hufflepuff champion was killed,' she added, obviously not too pleased that she had to retell about these events.

I sank back into my seat, trying to remember how ma thought this might be good idea - if my parents' old colleagues could sneak into Hogwarts even beside Dumbledore, this was not the best idea in the world. 'I met him, you know. Barty Crouch Junior.' I said after a long silence, not looking at Lin. The lack of protest she usually expresses when I mention our parents made me continue, 'When- When Dark Lord vanished, he came over a few times. He was a very nervous young man, maybe a bit older than I am now. But he always got me candy and played with me. Moth- Bellatrix, she always made him babysit me since he was doing it well, it was fun for toddler-me. I remember that he was beside himself a few times, screaming and crying. Bellatrix she- she was yelling a lot at him. But, that time when they came back from torturing-'

'Please don't!' Lin finally spoke up and I looked at her. She had a look on her face as if she was going to be sick, 'I don't want to know. I am disgusted enough as it is. That man, he - he _praised_ me for my work and skill. Now I realize he knew who I was, so it makes sense... He said that he knew my parents and that they would be proud- And I thought he meant Andromeda and Ted... Not- you know...'

Lin could not go on; she fell silent again, looking out of the window. She didn't like connecting to that part of our past, even though she had no memories of our birth parents.

When we were kids, she wanted to know - every night she would ask me to tell her the stories of our "real mama and papa". But over the time her interest burned out; sometimes I would start talking to myself at night and she would interrupt me. 'I don't care,' she finally said when she was nine, 'They are terrible people and we should forget about them. Andromeda and Ted are my parents. _T_ _hey_ are just an awful twist of fate.' It was a shock to me - I loved both Andromeda and Ted and I considered them parents, but as a child it seemed so terribly exciting that my _other_ parents were so famous. And my memories were vivid - I remembered Bellatrix's laugh and the smell of uncle Rabastan's cigarette, I was the one father Rodolphus bought little green robes for. Lin never had that and there was a huge pit between us when it came to that. It sometimes felt as if I was the only one adopted, that Lin was actually Tonks' by birth. Even when it comes to looks there is a difference between us - Lin ended up looking like a strange mixture of our parents, but her eyes were wide and blue like uncle's and they have always seemed kinder than mine ‒ all the resemblance she had to our mother was shared with Andromeda, and her eyes could easily pass as Ted's. At the same time I knew I was the spitting image of my mother, growing more so with age ‒ I had the same high cheekbones, same heavy waves of black hair, same dark and lidded eyes and, most importantly, same determined look in them.

The compartment door suddenly opened, dragging me back to present as a slender boy with nearly white-blond hair peaked in, 'Routine check-up,' he smiled arrogantly to the girl beside him, 'We're Slytherin prefects so we have to take care and see if everything is good.'

'It's all well here, except for the lack of trolley with sweets, so if you can do something about that, it would be splendid,' Lin said in a bored voice.

'I am not a servant,' the boy said with disgust and then looked at me, noticeably less pleased than a moment ago, 'Who are you anyway? I didn't see you before.'

'You couldn't have seen me. I transferred from Beauxbatons to finish my last year here-'

His face suddenly lit up. 'So it is **you**! Father told me you would transfer,' he said, coming into the compartment uninvited. I looked at Lin, confused, trying to see if I should know this boy, but she was looking at the window again, biting her lip. 'Good to finally meet you. I am Draco Malfoy.'

I knew, now, what this was all about – the Malfoys were my family and this boy here was my cousin. Deciding to completely ignore it, I shook his hand, 'Whatever that means. Good for you! Lola Tonks.'

The look on Draco's face told me he was quite amused. I was not sure whether he would try to befriend me instantly or if he might mention that he knows what my birth name was. Luckily, he did neither. 'My pleasure, Lola. I guess I will see you around. Perhaps we will end up in the same house.' He glanced at Lin and then back at me; seeing the resemblance he realized who she was as well, but he only smirked. The girl behind him was confused and they finally left the compartment.

I sighed loudly, looking at the ceiling, 'Was coming to Hogwarts really a good idea?'

Lin did not speak for a while, and then, she finally muttered, 'I guess we'll know soon enough.' Then, as if this all was my fault, she opened her book, not speaking a word for the rest of the journey.


	3. Chapter 2: Unwelcome

_**Author's Note:**_ I updated the chapter and only then realized I could combine it with the next one, as they are both rather short. So here it is, it's like the chapter from before, but upgrated, longer and with different lyrics at the beginning. Enjoy! Any reviews are welcome :)

 _ **Disclaimer**_ : I do not own _Harry Potter_ and its characters, they are the property of J. K. Rowling. I don't make any money by this. The lyrics belong to Patrick Wolf.

xxxxxx

 _What lies beneath the door? What keeps you? Explore!_

 _Do you take the chance to defeat the source? The gates are opening, the choice, the future_

 _the future is yours!_

 _-Patrick Wolf - ' Theseus'_

xxxxx

It remains one of the most embarrassing moments of my life ‒ me, standing in a line of eleven-year-olds, waiting to be sorted. _This was not a good idea,_ the line repeated in my head and it felt like nothing else had passed through my mind ever since I got on the train.

The hat was singing its song, but I didn't care to catch a single verse of it - I was too petrified with all the confused looks and mutterings, certainly directed to me. It felt as if I was standing naked in front of everyone. As the hat stopped, the witch in charge of first-years-olds took out a parchment to read out the names. I hoped she would start with me and get this over with, but instead she read out 'Abercrombie, Euan.' My heart sank into my feet. Finally, letter T came and the professor looked at me before reading out, 'Transferred from Beauxbatons Academy of Magic, and to be sorted in the seventh year - Tonks, Lollia.'

I sat down on the stool that was way too small for me and the hat was placed on my head. For the first-year students, the hat was too big and it covered their eyes so they were blessed with not seeing all the curious eyes on them. But the hat fit me perfectly so I was sentenced to look over the tables as people went whispering. ' _Well, a mind on the crossroad,'_ I heard a voice in my ears and twitched. This was creepy. _'There is the Black line here, but with other influences... Good wits, yes; quite daring too. Yet with such a potential, a capable mind and wish for power... it would be a shame not to say -_ SLYTHERIN.'

For some reason, my eyes somehow found Harry Potter's face in the crowd, covered with confusion. I knew he must have been the wondering how could Dora's sister end up in Slytherin ‒ good girls don't go to Slytherin, or at least that's what Gryffindor's idea was. I've heard about the rivalry of the houses from Lin. And while she was not a part of it, she was a careful and amused observer.

I stood up and looked at my future house table where people were loudly clapping, greeting me. No one seemed to clap more eagerly than Draco Malfoy who was sitting at the very beginning of the table. He moved a bit to make space for me as I approached. 'Welcome... _Tonks_ ' he said with a noticeable pause, 'Glad to see you joining us.'

I did not bother to answer back. I looked at the Ravenclaw table where Lin was arching her back to look at me through the crowd. When her eyes met mine she winked to me. The voice in my head changed its song now; it was talking in the tone of the Sorting Head and all I could hear was _the mind on the crossroad._

On the way to the dormitories, Draco was constantly casting me looks, smirking. I tried to ignore him as much as possible, looking around, pretending I was fascinated by the tapestries covering the walls and the armours and the bloody ghost that was floating around the dungeons. Truth was, I could not stop thinking about Beauxbatons' wide hallways and Justine sleeping with someone else in the room this evening.

'You will sleep here,' Draco showed first-years the way once when we were in common room, 'And you, Lola, here.'

'Alright. Thanks,' I quickly said and got in, before he could say another word.

Five other girls were inside, loudly talking about their holidays. They did not notice me at first. The dark girl with a head full of black curls, whose bed was nearest to the door, was the first to notice me as she nudged the girl beside her. 'Hey, how are you?' she smiled 'I'm Crystalia.' She offered me a hand, but I did not spot it at first. I was still absorbing all around me, and once I did see her hand, it was a moment too late to shake it. Frowning a bit, she put her arm down. One of the other girls snickered.

'Lola,' I muttered, quite shocked at the sight of room for six. _Six_!? I shared my room with Justine only, back in France. If there was anything I hated it was shared space ‒ I loved privacy and **never** in my life was I obligated to share space with more than one person. I was screaming internally, panicking about all the possible embarrassing situations that can happen when you are surrounded by five unknown people. Barely noticing what I was saying, I muttered a curse directed at Andromeda under my breath.

'Whoa, really nice way to make an entrance,' a girl with long, golden hair from a bed beside mine rolled her eyes. She was a natural beauty, the kind of a girl I might fall for, elegant and feminine. 'I guess you've gotten used to your fancy stuff at Beauxbatons, ah?'

The others laughed, and though it was not a mean laugh, it stung. 'Oh, remember how prudish all those girl were last year?' Crystalia exclaimed, remembering when our students came to Hogwarts for Triwizarding Tournament. 'One would think they sleep on beds made of gold. You don't, do you?' she asked me, as if to make sure.

'Nope.' I frowned, 'It's usually just in… _smaller_ company.' I walked to the bed where my trunk waited for me. So far I've heard many stories about Hogwarts from my friends and not many of them were positive. I was not sure was I so resentful of the castle because of what I've heard, or because it was actually that terrible to be here. It certainly made me glad I strictly refused to compete in the Tournament, because it left me a whole year of enjoying luxuries of Beauxbatons, such as privacy and artistic education, which Lin told me is not one of things Hogwarts really had to offer.

'Well, if you don't like it here you can always go back,' the golden-haired beauty on the other bed said, throwing off her friendly tone 'It is **quite** rude to come here and make that face. Why did you transfer anyway?'

'Trust me, it was not by my own will,' I simply said, guessing it was too early to mention the story of the Dark Lord.

I was obviously wrong; while blond girl simply muttered, 'That, I can see,' a rather thin and small girl with shorter hair on the other side of my bed laughed a low laugh and said, 'It is because of protection, right? Yours must be panicking considering… well, that your father is _mudblood_.'

The room felt silent, except the snickering I heard behind me as I turned to the tiny, brown girl. 'No, actually. He is _muggleborn_. And if you actually thought about it - which **might** be a complicated task - you would have realized that I was certainly safer in France…'

'Please don't…' the golden girl started to say, but the brown one did not care.

'Considering your mother is also a blood traitor, I guess they found you would only be protected stuck up in Dumbledore's arse.' The ones behind me seemed to have a fit of laughter now. The golden girl clicked her tongue in irritation, but did nothing to defend me, and returned to unpacking.

I was both confused and impressed by how this girl knew my whole family tree. 'And I guess you have a broomstick stuck up **your** pure blood arse,' I spat out, wanting to end this conversation.

The girl twitched, but I did not wait to see if she would bring out her wand - I was already flicking mine at her and she fell on the bed rolling with screamish-laughter, being hit by my tickling hex. All four girls jumped in to help, but the blonde one was fastest and she quickly cast a counter-hex. Red in the face, she turned to me, 'This, I am reporting to professor Snape first thing in the morning.'

'Splendid! What an entrance I've made!' I exclaimed in false excitement, putting the hanging around my bed and trunk. Before I cast the silencing spell, I heard Crystalia mutter, 'But it _was_ a quite good for a nonverball spell!'

xxxxxx

'Tonks, I need to see you if you're done,' Professor Snape told me while passing by at breakfast. I was obviously not done - he could have seen it - but the way in which he said it meant that I **should** be done that very moment. A bunch of people sitting near me snickered; the golden haired girl sat tall, looking judgingly at me. I noticed the head-girl badge on her chest. That explained all the prissiness.

I left my half-eaten breakfast and followed the professor. He said nothing before we reached the Dungeons; as a matter of fact, he did not seem to even notice me following him, which felt quite ridiculous. Once in his office, he showed me to sit down, but did not sit himself. 'As you know by now,' he immediately spoke, not once looking me in the eye,' I am the head of your house. You are referring to me if you have any problems during your stay at Hogwarts. As it is your N.E.W.T. year, I am here to offer any help along with your professional training or orientation, if you require some. I received your O.W.L.-level results,' he said looking down at the paper in front of him, 'which are _quite_ decent.'

 _Quite decent_!? My face melted ‒ I was among the top ten in the class in almost all of the subjects. I had absolutely the best marks from runes and defence. My results were not "decent" ‒ they were _perfect_. I bit my tongue in order not to reply to him, as anything I would say could be considered rude, to say the least. He was still looking over the papers and I was sure now that he was doing it on purpose, just to ignore me. 'As you also did not have the session about career advice with me in the fifth year, I am required to ask you whether you have some career path planned?' he asked in a voice that told me my career path was the thing that least interested him in the world.

'Performing arts,' I mumbled, still angry.

He finally raised his head and looked at me, seemingly surprised. _'Arts_?' he asked.

I've come across this a lot ‒ no one was sure why was I so mad about having good grades if I wanted something 'as silly as performing arts'. The first reason was because I could not stand _not_ to have good grades. The second was because I always valued having complete knowledge that I might combine with arts later. Being an artist did not erase the possibility of being a good witch, and I planned on being both. 'Yes. Arts. They do require at least four N.E.W.T.s levels with at least Outstanding for Royal Paris Wizarding theatre.'

He was still examining me, looking now as if he was amused by me, but also found me insane. I decided slowly that I didn't like this man.

'Very well,' he finally answered. 'I see you chose your subjects, along with extra curriculum Wizarding arts. Considering you are not taking potions, I guess we will not meet as much, but, as mentioned, you can find me here if you need something.' He made a slow pause for a dramatic effect, 'That being said, I am also the one to whom other students and professors refer to if they have any problems with you, which, I'm afraid, has already happened. Head girl, Lilith Rosier, reported me that you caused some distress in the girls' dormitory last night.'

 _Rosier_. That was my grandmother's surname. So, the golden girl was probably my cousin. Slytherin started seeming like a mad family reunion.

'I was defending myself. _Sir_.' I said sharply.

Snape raised his eyebrows, but his facial expression otherwise stayed unchanged, 'Did Percel Macnair attack you first with a wand and it was not reported to me?'

I frowned at another familiar name. _Macnair_ ‒ this one I was sure that I'd heard while living in Lestrange manor. Was the tiny brown girl a Death Eater's daughter? 'No, sir, but‒'

'If,' Snape cut me off, 'Macnair attacked you only verbally, hexing her is not considered defence, but an attack.'

There was a silence as I sulked, like a child. 'I did not know the rules,' I finally said stubbornly.

'Really, now?' he said in silky voice that pointed out he will have none of my shit, 'So, I am sure it was perfectly reasonable to have duels in the dormitories of Beauxbatons.'

'Maybe the rules are different here. How would I know? No one told me,' I said, raising my head more and more with each sentence.

 _'Sir,_ ' he added, 'And **now** you know they aren't. I am sure you are quite eager to show off your powers, but it will not be tolerated. Considering you are Slytherin, I will not take the house points, but you will have detention with me this Saturday...'

'Detention?' I yelped, 'On the first day?'

'The first day was not a problem when you attacked another student, Tonks,' he replied with a small smirk on his lips. I opened my mouth to argue, but Snape cut me off, not smiling anymore. 'And learn how to talk to your professors. I know that arrogance is a valued trait in **your** family, but it will not be tolerated here.'

It felt as if he had slapped me. Not being able to answer anything in shock, I nodded and stood up. 'Saturday at 2 afternoon I expect you here, _Tonks,_ ' he turned his back to me, as I left the room, trying to process what has just happened.

xxxxxx

'Snape knows who I am,' was the first thing I said to Lin when we met to go to lunch.

She raised her eyebrow. 'Yeah. Your name is written on your records.'

'Not like _that_ , smarty pants!' I hissed, 'He know my **real** identity.'

She rolled her eyes, turning in the direction of the great hall, 'No he doesn't. He never mentioned anything to me and I would remind you that we are sisters.'

'But he said ‒ and I quote ‒ "I know arrogance is a valued trait in your family". 'And I am pretty sure he was not referring to dad as Ted is not known for his arrogance. He sounded, you know- _knowing_.'

Lin rolled her eyes again. 'He was referring to Blacks in general. Please, how **could** he know?'

'If you roll your eyes again, Lin, you'll get dizzy. And did you see my face recently?' I asked rhetorically, but Lin answered.

'Unfortunately.'

'I look like mother. He **must** have noticed that.'

'Lollia, you are paranoid now,' she sighed, 'How could he know mother? I mean, sure, he might know what she _looks_ like, but I doubt they ever really met and that he would have a grudge against you because of her. She is older than him for sure, so they weren't at school at the same time, and she probably run off right to You-Know-Who as soon as she stepped out of Hogwarts. Where **could** they meet?'

'I know, but they might have crossed paths! Maybe Snape was in the game too...'

At this, Lin laughed loudly, 'Yeah. I am sure Dumbledore would hire an ex-Death Eater. That was exactly the thing he looked for on a job application.'

I was about to answer her when I saw the redheaded Weasley twins running towards us. 'Hey, Tonks juniors!' one of them yelled, 'We have an important matter to discuss!'

I looked at them semi-worried, fearing they might have heard something about Dora before I did, but then the other twin ran up beside his brother and said, _'Slytherin_? Really? Tonks' sister is in _Slytherin_?'

They took me by surprise and I laughed, 'You are right, it is of absolute serious importance‒'

'You don't see how grave the situation is because you are not from around here!' the left one explained. 'Didn't you teach her anything?' he scolded Lin, 'Lucky that you have us so we can share the secret wisdom with you ‒ Slytherins are douches.'

'Oh, I see! Are you suggesting _I'm_ a douche?' I asked, amused.

'We're still trying to determine that here. Being Slytherin is kind of a bad starting point,' the right one answered. 'But you are Tonks' sister; you, little one, seem alright enough' he nodded approvingly to Lin. It was funny he was calling her "little one" considering she was as tall as he was. 'Geeky Ravenclaw, but alright! But _you_ , senior-junior Tonks, are what worries us! You don't look like a lying, sly cockroach to us. Now, **that's** why we are curious!'

I crossed my arms over chest and smiled, 'Well, like you mentioned, I am not from around here, but as far as I know, Slytherins are ambitious, cunning and goal oriented, none of which spell _douche_ for me.'

'They are also an evil snotty army of egoists led by the king of anti-shampoo advertisements!'

I pretended to think this one over, 'Hmmm... I must have missed that part of the sorting song yesterday...'

'It goes unsaid because everyone knows it!' the left one explained, 'I mean, it's just such a shame because we have to hate you now and Tonks is a cool person.'

'Wow, you really take the whole Gryffindor vs Slytherin thing to a whole new level here, guys.'

'Those are the rules!' the right one shrugged in fake regret, 'And you know, we worry about the rules _so_ \- **very -** _ **much**_!'

'Break the rules,' I smiled looking from one twin to another, 'I dare you! I _double_ -dare you!'

They both made mocking shock sounds, 'It's gonna ruin our reputation!'

'Good thing you have an evil Slytherin around then; I'll just go and curse anyone who says something.'

The left one considered this, 'Ah, my Gryffindor heart can't say no to a double dare...'

I nodded in appreciation, 'Glad I'm worthy of breaking the tradition. Thanks- urm...' I stopped, looking from one twin to another, trying to tell them apart.

'Fred,' he answered, grinning.

'Thanks Fred.'

'You're welcome!' the other one replied.

xxxxx

It seemed that the Weasley twins were the only ones that could pass as my potential friends in the castle. No one from the other houses would approach me because I was Slytherin, yet Slytherins on my year were too closely bound together to be fond of me after I attacked one of their own. It did not make me too sad ‒ I hated them all, along with pretty much everyone else at the castle.

The only exception out of all the Slytherins seemed to be Draco Malfoy who would still smirk whenever he passed me by, trying to point out that he knows who I am.

'Father and mother are truly pleased you are Slytherin,' he said one day at the breakfast, reading his mail.

'Well, how nice. People I've never met or saw are happy for me! Now I can finally sleep calmly at nights. What's in it for them, anyway? Didn't they _disown_ my mother,' I stared boldly at him.

Draco was no fool; it took more than my bluffing for him to break the cover. He smirked again. 'Not _quite,_ ' was his complete answer ‒ enough to shut me up, yet not to reveal anything.

While I didn't know Draco very well, I realized so far he liked to bring people down at every possible occasion, making himself seem witty and great. I knew that what made him happy was not our dysfunctional family's reunion, but the mere knowledge that he had a weapon against me. We both knew he wouldn't use it ‒ his father probably forbid him to remind the world that they were connected to Death Eaters by any means ‒ but he simply liked to wonder how much I burned on the inside. And while I seemed cool and had a sack of sarcastic comments just for him, it _did_ get to me. The pure reminder that people might know who I was there felt like a stab in my stomach and he knew that. He never picked on Lin because he knew better ‒ he didn't see much of her and he realized that it would never get to her. But somehow Draco Malfoy sensed my discomfort even if I was trying to hide it very well.

I was having tons of homework as it was final year and we had to prepare for N.E.W.T.s. Homework, paradoxically, made me feel better ‒ it took my mind off the fact that I was, with the exception of Lin and occasional chats with the twins, absolutely alone. Back in France, Justine and I had our little clique and people generally liked me. Here people either took me for a stuffy bitch or they didn't care for me and I, quite frankly, did not know which one was worse.

Classes were fine, with the exception of Defence against the dark arts, which was completely and utterly useless. Professor Umbridge was a Ministry worker obviously sent to bust the myth of the Dark Lord's return by giving us pointless theory lessons. Harry Potter's angry outburst on the matter that took place in the first week didn't seem to help either, especially since Slytherins found him responsible for our classes being so boring. The lessons were filled with endless textbook pages and boredom, with the exception of Weasley twins and Lee Jordan, their friend, pulling pranks. I sat in the back row with them as they worked on their new products, jinxed stuff under their breaths and sang _Epic about Ugly Toad Umbridge's adventures_ under their breaths, using their muffling candy that made their voices heard only by few people around. It was impressive that it took them more than three weeks to get detention, but once they did, all hell broke loose.

'Ah, but professor, we were just trying to _learn to recognise situations in which defensive magic can legally be used,'_ Fred recited one of Umbridge's lesson goals, 'and it just so happened to be against Exploding Snaps.' I couldn't help but giggle loudly.

Umbridge did not bother answering. '15 points from Gryffindor _and_ from Slytherin.'

'I didn't even say anything!' I protested.

'And 5 more for talking out of term without your hand up, miss Tonks,' she sang, almost happy. Slytherins in the front turned to give me deathly stares, Macnair mouthing curse words directed at me.

Feeling as if I did not provoke them enough, I raised my hand. Lilith made a gesture trying to tell me to put my hand down but I ignored her. 'Yes, Miss Tonks?' Umbridge asked.

'Professor, when are we actually going to stop learning about _situations_ when we can defend ourselves and actually start learning **how** to defend ourselves?'

Lilith gave an annoyed sigh as Umbridge stared at me. Her voice was much less sweet when she spoke, 'I am not having this discussion again, miss Tonks. What I had to say, I already said to Mr Potter during the first week and I am sure he can tell you all about it. But let me repeat it once again if your mind is a bit slow and the matter is not clear enough ‒ there is _no need_ to use any kind of defence in the classroom and with theoretical knowledge you will be perfectly able to perform your spells on the practical part of N.E.W.T.s.'

'But will we be able to _defend_ ourselves, professor?' I asked with fake worry, imitating her sweet tone of voice. Lilith gave up and her head was in her palms now.

'Defend yourselves from _what_ , miss Tonks?' she asked, smirking again.

She was daring me, I knew it. She **wanted** me to answer her, she wanted me to mention the Dark Lord, she wanted to underline that Potter is a lunatic and the Ministry knows the best. I knew it was a trick, but I had already gone too far to abandon the argument with pride, so I bit the bait.

'Dark arts?' I shrugged, 'You know, like the subject name says?'

The grin transformed her face, _'Detention_ , miss Tonks, because of your vulgar attitude.'

George was ecstatic as we left the room. 'Slytherin suggesting You-Know-Who has returned! Blimey, Tonks, you really break the code!' I was less energized as it was my second detention in a month. I have barely ever had detentions in Beauxbatons ‒ whatever Justine and I did, we did it so we don't get caught, and we were perfect little teacher's pets with the whole team covering for us. Here, I was alone and, at the moment, pissed at everyone.

'Are you moping now?' Lee Jordan asked, uncertain. I guessed they thought I would be triumphant.

'This is pointless,' I nearly yelled, 'I am wasting my time listening to that _Toad's_ babbling! I was the best dueller at Beauxbatons! I was **the president** of the duelling club! We won European duelling youth championship! My wand will go stiff if I don't use it. Damn Hogwarts, I should have never come here!'

'Hey, we can always arrange some duels for you, there are a few Slytherins whose arses we want kicked‒'

'That's not the point!' I hissed. 'The point is that this damn school _**sucks,**_ ' I spat out, storming off down the hall. I knew they loved Hogwarts ‒ the whole Wizarding world loved Hogwarts! ‒ but I really wanted to hurt the school; yet since it was a brick castle, I simply took pleasure in hurting people's feelings about it.

I did not find Lin before lunch, breaking our tradition. I wanted to be alone in the library, doing my endless homework, away from everyone. It took me some time to finally make myself go to the Great Hall for lunch, detesting seeing anyone's face again.

As suspected, Slytherins started snickering as soon as I came in. 'Heard about your outburst today,' Malfoy jested, 'It seems it's not only Potter who is crazy around here.' Macnair and her two friends laughed. I didn't need to guess who was the one to bring Malfoy the good news.

' _Crazy_? Come on, I thought if anyone here ought to believe Potter's claims it should be you guys,' I said staring from Macnair over Goyle to Malfoy ‒ all Death Eater's children, lined up along the table. Goyle did not seem too comfortable, but Macnair didn't even flinch.

'Why, I am confused that _you_ are taking it all so lightly, Tonks,' she smirked. 'One would think you would be more frightened. You know, if those rumours happen to be true ‒ not that I say they make any sense!' she sweetly added, **'** But. **..** _if_ there is anything true about them, well, you are in trouble, Tonks. You know, offspring of Mudblood **and** blood traitor ‒ you are about to become one of the endangered species.'

People around were listening carefully, not missing a word of Macnair's quiet speech. No one was protesting, not even Lilith, but they seemed rather alarmed. At this table, people must have been as scared of the Dark Lord's return as they were at any other table. Those whose family was among his ranks were afraid of possible fights and causalities. Those who were not already running to step into his service were good possible target for recruiting, being mostly pure-blood and Slytherin, and everyone knew that one does not say no to Lord Voldemort without regret.

Maybe the whole crazy frightening atmosphere gave me strength or maybe my seams were falling apart from the whole moth of continued mental disasters ‒ I felt a terrible urge to make them see me as more than just a pretentious newcomer that happened to stumble into their house by accident. I coldly laughed out loud and they all looked at me as if I was mad, even Malfoy. Finally, I leaned over to Macnair and hissed, so only she and a few around could hear, 'Oh, sweetie, don't you worry about my wellbeing. If anyone here is safe when the Dark Lord comes, it's me.'

Malfoy's mouth fell open, but I did not wait to hear any questions. Grabbing a big piece of pie, I took my things and left, feeling insanely good about the reaction I caused. I hated being ignored, and this made sure I would not be.

xxxxxx

 _Dearest Lola,_

 _Congratulations on your sorting! I am so very pleased you are in Slytherin, although, truth to be told, I would be happy with any house as long as you are satisfied with it. Are you? I hope you are not worrying about all the nasty things you must have heard about Slytherin ‒ I was one, and I like to think I turned out fine. It is a great starting point for you; you can do big things from there._

 _Please write as soon as possible to tell me all of your impressions! I am eager to know what you think about Hogwarts. You must still be hating it, I am sure, but try to relax and have as much fun as possible. You know it is the best place to be right now._

 _Loads of love,_

 _Ma._


End file.
